How Things Have Changed

What an understatement. My life has changed so much since the last time I blogged. I'm keeping with my track record and haven't talked to practically anybody in ages. Time just goes too fast. It's funny--I've been waiting for six years to finally graduate, move, and get a teaching position, and now that I have I realize that the time has flown by.

I am finally, finally down here in Florida teaching. It's been tough, but I'm loving it. This is what I've been waiting for, and I'm exactly where I want to be. Having the freedom to do what I want, when I want for the most part, has been great. I miss my crazy family, but I'll be seeing them at Christmas.

This year has been absolutely crazy, but in a good way. My sister and I graduated, my brother got married, I moved, got a new job and a new apartment--the list goes on and on. And I've already learned so much that I thought I'd share it with you. I have more than enough material for my novel, which I am going to start. I hope somebody will be crazy enough to buy it. Anyway, here is what I've learned this year:

1) Never think you are too old to argue with your mother. My uncle drove my grandmother, mother, and myself to the airport, and it was a thrill ride. My uncle, who is in his fifties, argued with my grandmother, who is in her seventies, about which road to take to best get to the Interstate. I realize this may seem like a viable argument, but take into consideration that A, they (the roads) are less than a mile apart, B, they both connect to the Interstate, C, we were already on one of the aforementioned roads when the fighting started, and D, this argument continued until we reached the airport. It was an extremely long two hours. Over something that took five minutes. And that they continued to argue about it for the next two weeks. Oy vey.

2) Never, ever think that clear skies mean flights will not be delayed. My flight never reached the airport due to bad weather, and when I finally reached the airport to take a connecting flight I'd missed it by an hour.

3) Airline employees, especially around midnight, get extremely annoyed with people who have the decency to talk to them. Especially if the person speaking to them doesn't understand what they are saying, has questions, and is trying to catch another flight. Consider the following conversation, which I hold to be the truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
Me: Hi. I just came from **** Airport, and my flight was delayed due to bad weather. I missed my connecting flight here because of that. Is there any other flight available to [my ultimate destination]?
Airline Employee: Why did you miss your flight?
Me: There was a storm, and the plane didn't get to the airport until an hour ago. I just got here, and my connecting flight left an hour ago.
AE: You missed your flight? Why didn't you make your connecting flight?
Me: The plane didn't get to **** Airport until an hour ago. I just got here, and I missed my connecting flight because of that. Can you help me?
AE: I don't understand. Let me check. (Checks computer.) This isn't my job, there are many people who've missed their flights, and we all have to get somewhere. (Click, click, click.) We have flights leaving Sunday. (It is now Friday night/Extremely Early Saturday morning.)
Me: Is there any earlier flights that take off? I start a new job Monday, and I'm supposed to move into a new apartment tomorrow.
AE: I don't know what you want me to do. Where are your tickets?
We present her with our tickets, and she looks at them, then back at us.
AE: You're going to ****?
Me: Yes.
AE: Well...here's what we'll do. Our flights are booked, but you can be put on standby. If people don't show, you get their seats. We won't know until morning.
Me: So there isn't a good chance we'll be leaving for [our ultimate destination] tomorrow?
AE: I don't know what you want me to do. It's not my fault you missed your flight.
Me: What? It's not my fault either. Your airline's plane didn't show up until an hour ago. Then, I missed the connecting flight I had booked with your airline. I'd just like to get to [destination], with your airline. Is there any way you could check another airline to see if they have any available flights?
AE: [without checking computer] There are no other flights available. If you'd have gotten here on time and made your flight you wouldn't be having a problem. It's not my fault you missed your flight.
Me: [Tired, frustrated.] It's not my fault either. Are you telling me there's nothing you can do for me?
AE: I'll put you on standby. Hopefully no one shows up. If not, you can leave later on and connect to another airport and then make it to [final destination].
Me: What?
AE: (sounds annoyed) I book you on later flight. You connect in Chicago, have a layover of three hours. Then get to [destination].
Me: So I'll definitely get to [destination] tomorrow?
AE: Hopefully. What color is your luggage? If you make flight I need to tell workers what color your luggage is.
Me: (Note: I have no idea what color my luggage is. Since I'm moving I used everyone else's bags: these colors are in no way exact.) Black, blue...purple. Two bags are black and gray. (The only ones I am sure of.)
AE: What and gray?
Me: Black and gray.
AE: Brack and gray? (It should be noted that this employee has a Chinese accent.)
Me: No, black and gray.
AE: Brack?
Me: No, black.
AE: Brack?
Me: No, black.
AE: Brack?
Me: No, BLACK. B-L-A-C-K. Black. B as in boy, L as in--"
AE: I know. (Rudely.) Check with employee in the morning, see what they can do. I have other customers waiting. Hopefully your bags make it there.

The next morning...my adventurous aunt goes to talk with the new airline employee on duty. This employee is extremely friendly and very chirpy, which I am not after spending the night in the airport. (That is a story for my novel.)
Me: Hi. (Explain situation.) We were given tickets to here, and we were wondering if there were any earlier flights.
AE #2: She looks at the tickets and then back at us. "Do you know you're going to Chicago?" (Not our ultimate destination.)
Me: Yes. She said we connect there to [destination.]
AE #2: Let me check. (Click, click, click.) No-o-o. Here you go, honey--you're leaving at 8:30, direct flight there.
Me: (Openmouthed, in complete and utter shock.) What?
AE #2: Here are your tickets...(the rest is history. Suffice it to say I cheered up. Not only was there an earlier flight with available seats, it was a direct flight. I was seated with the people I was traveling with, and it was a great flight.)

You can't make this stuff up.

3) Two star hotels don't always live up to their reputations. We chose one thinking we'd only be there for two nights, and let the records show I would almost enjoy the airport more. I'd feel safer, somehow. Choose hotels (or in my case, the place where people stay after they are released from jail) with care. This one had a tub I was scared to use for fear of foot fungus and other diseases, a TV that didn't work, a remote taped together, funky smells, and much, much more. Never think that stars don't matter when choosing a hotel. Places are not rated for nothing--heed the stars!

4) This should have been included above, but better late than never. 76-year-old women can be very, very stubbourn. Airport security should be given medals for dealing with this. My grandma--and I love her to death--was nearly arrested by airport security for being a terrorist. Before we even went to security we were asked if we had any liquids in our carryons. We said no. We get to security, and my aunt and I said no. My mother had forgotten and took out travel-sized bottle of hairspray. She had to go buy a plastic bag for it. My grandmother puts her carryon--all fifty pounds of it--onto the conveyor belt and opens it up. "Does this count?" she asks the security guard. He looks inside. Inside of her bag is every single item on the "Banned" list at security. 24-oz bottles of the good shampoo and conditioner, lotion, hairspray...the whole kit and caboodle. And to top it off my grandma starts arguing with him. "I'm not a terrorist! I can't bring this? And this? And this?" The guard went through every item. The only word I heard him say was "No. No. No. No." On and on the merry-go-round went. My aunt and I went through security and pretended we didn't know her. We left my poor mama to deal with it. When Grandma finally came through after practically being strip searched she told us she was going to go back and take everything out of the trash. We had to drag her away.

Grandma may sound naive, but let it be known that is a frequent traveler. She has flown more than anyone I've known, and after asking her why she brought all of that stuff with her in her carryon she replied "I've gotten through before. I'm not a terrorist."

Enough said.

5) Cops are always going to be where you least expect them. They will show up the one time you're breaking the speed limit, driving an unmarked car. My warning happened not on the busy interstate or state road, but in...my...apartment complex. The speed limit is 15 mph, and I was going 20. That qualifies. Save yourself the time and tears--go the speed limit! Let people honk and flip you off for being that idiot driver from another state who doesn't know how to drive outside of that state. It will save you a ticket and a headache.

There are more life lessons to come. I think you're always learning something new. I am learning how to find my way around here, how to tell people "no," and how people get new license plates since there apparently are no DMV's down here.
Questions I have?

Why don't people in this state have to get yearly inspections and display their registration stickers?

Why do people, in a 60 mph zone, either go 80 or 30? Isn't there a happy medium...say, 60?

Why do people not signal AT ALL when changing lanes? Am I the only one bothered by this? Are the taillights, whatever lights are the changing lanes lights broken down here? In every vehicle?

Why does traffic slow for now reason at all?

Why do people attempt to pass if it takes them ten minutes to pass one car with twenty cars behind them...then finally pass and not get into the other lane to let the cars behind them pass?

Was spelling not really pushed in school down here? Case in point: at Wal-Mart there was a recently married couple there. I knew because of the cans tied to their car and the sign on the back window pronouncing them "jess marreed." True story.

Are all cell phone warranties null and void the minute something happens to your phone? My friend had a warranty on hers, and it went null and void the minute she brought the phone in to have it replaced. The reason? It dropped and broke, and the warranty doesn't cover it being dropped. What, then, does the warranty cover?

I have many, many, MANY more observations and questions on life down here that I will be sharing when I am not bone tired. If you have made it this far into this post congratulations--you have officially wasted an hour of your time. I hope it has made your day go faster, and hopefully you are having a better day because of it. I leave you with one question.

Why did they take "$40 a Day" off of TV? I miss that show.