The End of an Era

"Everybody Loves Raymond" ended tonight. It started with a one hour retrospective on the show and then the finale. It was short. It was simple. It was perfect.

Which leads me to contemplate again how many things have come to an end in my life, and how many things are just beginning. It's not just that show--it's what the show signifies. That show has been a sort of glue for me and my family. When I lived at home I knew that every Monday night we'd be home at 9:00 to watch that show, and we'd watch it as a family. When I go home for the summer there will be no more of that. No more original episodes, anyway. Where will we be at 9:00 now on Monday nights? Scattered. Not together.

I have come to the conclusion that I hate change. I hate change. I guess it's because my life has changed so much. Things were so much simpler when I was little. I was naive and young enough to think that my life wouldn't change, and now that I'm older I realize that I don't want it to change still. And yet, the change has made me grow as a person. I wouldn't have met my dear friends, had such great experiences, done so many great things. As bad as it seemed at the time the changes were all good.

For some reason I don't think "ELR" ending will be a good change. We'll lose that family time. Which, even though my family is chock full of loons, I will miss. My family could make it's own mental institution. But hey, at least we'd all be together.

And now so much is ending. "ELR." My first year away from home at school. Family time. Free time. My childhood keeps slipping away, and I can't seem to get a hold of it. It's getting harder and harder to remember certain things, but it's reassuring to know that when I see glow sticks that I will remember Renee and our trip to the dollar store. I can hear a Britney Spears song and remember my super-embarassing dance in front of Suzanne and Robyn, and how ridiculous I really looked. The beach reminds me of my father and uncle and a lost bathing suit in the rough current and a funny moment in Wal-Mart, and minivans always make me remember the all too embarassing situation in Florida when nine people tried to jam themselves and their luggage into it. Walgreens makes me smile at Mom and Lindsey's seven hour trip to "get bread." Taco Bell makes me think of Ben and smile, and I will always remember April 30th as the day I lost one of the most important people in my life.

So I guess, after writing that, that I do remember. I can't forget. Sometimes it helps to just sort it all out in writing. While these things are ending, so much is just beginning. It's these new beginnings that I'm thankful for, and I'm thankful for all the experiences I've had and the people in my life. When something ends, something new begins. And while change can be a great thing, I still don't want it to happen. I guess it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks, isn't it?

Stuff

How did I accumlate so much stuff in my room? I have limited car space and am attempting to pack up as much as I can to take home this weekend. Well, I started at 7:00 and now stuff is all over my room. I don't want to move it because I don't know where to put it. Plus I don't have enough bags or boxes to stick stuff in. Where did it come from? Why did I think I would use it all? Looking around I realized I haven't used even half of the things I got here, but here they are taking up space. This was supposed to be fun (being done with classes! Yea, me!!) but I ran out of energy, hence this entry.
And the fact that I'm even writing about this? Well, to take a cue from my friend Nicole...that's dumb.

Friends

Friends. I love my friends! I got a wonderful surprise tonight, and I can't even express how much I appreciate it. It may sound stupid to some, but it means the world to me. Friends do the unexpected and don't expect anything in return. They're always there for you to lean on, and don't mind if you complain to them about the little things in life. They make your day.
So, thanks, Renee, for making my day. You're a true friend!

Oops! I Did It Again

Isn't the the corniest song ever? It truly is, and believe it or not I have a dance that goes with it. I've punished some of my friends by actually doing it, but never again. NEVER AGAIN!! Anyway, it seemed like a good title to my entry. Oops--I DID do it again. Not that for you people with disgusting minds--procrastination. I am the queen of procrastination, and I should have learned, especially with this being the last week of classes, that I can't procrastinate. My second mother told me not to, and I really didn't!!...last week. Now...now I'm up to my eyeballs in work.
Why is school so weird? Everything I have is due before Thursday. Well, most everything. I planned to be a good little student and stay up here at school this weekend to do my papers, but I forgot when planning it that it was Mother's Day today. Cue the guilt trip and the fact that I really did want to go home, and I did. I took my work with me, but of course I didn't do it. And I brought all my stuff but forgot things I needed, so technically I couldn't do it. These are my excuses for not doing my work.
And now it's 7:32 at night on Sunday and I still haven't touched it. It's definitely going to be a LONG night, but I have no one to blame but myself. And even though I'm way more stressed than I need to be right now, I'm so glad I went home. We had a family barbecue and it was fabulous. Fantastic. Just what I needed. I haven't seen any of them in a long time and it was nice just to sit down and talk and to be with them. I hope during the summer I have more times like this. I had to leave to come back to school, but I called my mom when I got here and she and my family were still at the party. I want to be there, not here staring and staring at my homework...
Now that I've complained myself out as usual I'd better get started. Ooh, I wonder if Renee or Nicole or Lore have updated their blogs yet...

Wow!

Wow. Wow! WOW! I am so stupidly excited right now! First of all, I got an e-mail!! Yeah, I know, big whoop, but it's from an author. A real, live, person-who's-had-many-books published author. Tess Gerritsen. I have many of her books, and I actually found her real-life blog online and wrote in the guest book or whatever. And she wrote back! I'm so excited about that, and not really sure why.
Second reason I'm so excited? My presentation for Voices of American Women is OVER!! Yes, OVER!! All I have left for that class now is my journals. And I think I actually did good. I'm going to share the gory details with my friends, but suffice it to say that I am SO HAPPY it's DONE!! One more thing on the road to summer, checked off. Now I can put it on my list and then cross it off. Gotta make a list for the weekend, that reminds me...
Anyway, I'm going--the third reason I'm excited--to BED!! Yes, bed--at 10:30, well 10:45 when I finally crawl in there--but still! Early! Yea! This has turned out to be a great day. Plus, I might go home this weekend as not planned...see my mom on Mother's Day. Isn't life great?

Mini-Breakdown

Wow. What a drama queen. OK, I admit it--that's my third mini-breakdown of the semester. Last night was NOT a good night stresswise, as my last post shows. My third mini-breakdown--I think I had one last semester, which is saying something if I'm now up to three just this semester. Two weeks and finals! I just keep telling myself that. Plus--I got to bed early last night! Well, 10:30, and I didn't fall asleep until 11:30, but still--early! I plowed through my speech and my essay, and I think I did both totally wrong but I'm so glad they're done!
Just waiting, as usual, for school to be over. I'm SO looking forward to that cheeseburger tonight...I definitely need it.

Stressed II!

Well, obviously that didn't work too well the first time. I am so stressed right now! I despise school and the fact that everything I have is due well before finals week. I also despise the fact that I am such a procrastinator and have thirty lists of my homework but no homework done, and that fact that I've spent the last three hours doing homework and nothing has gotten done. Plus I get to meet with a group for a big speech due Tuesday tonight and tomorrow night, and I don't even have it halfway done. Then I have to get a bunch of stuff done before the weekend so I can spend my weekend doing three or four more papers for which I have no idea or topic in mind. I'm way too tired from my weekend to even comprehend what I have to do, talk about what I need to do tonight. It's definitely gonna be a late night, and I definitely know people who are going through the same exact thing as me. Then to add to the fact that my cousin was done with finals last week--so early!--and I still have two weeks of school and then finals. My mind is overloaded and fried.

Is school over yet?

Stressed!